What many Papua New Guineans fail to understand is that marriage must always be an agreement between friends who have chosen to share their lives with each other.
The ring, the fairy tale wedding, the bridesmaids, the dresses and the suits amount to nothing if there is no friendship in existence. The marriage contract is nothing but a mere legal document on paper if the decision to live together is not founded upon that friendship between a man and woman.
Amid the burden of culture and traditions, young Papua New Guineans must realize that in this day an age, you choose your own friends and the opinions of your parents and family don’t matter in a friendship between adults.
On countless occasions, I have tried to explain the concept to younger friends and family members that friendship should never end when marriage starts. I say again: FRIENDSHIPS should never end when MARRIAGE STARTS. Instead, it should to grow and mature. That FRIENDSHIP should be fed with positivity of attitude. It should encouraged and fed with compliments to each other EVERY DAY.
A friendship in marriage should be fed like a baby dependent upon its mother for its survival. It should be watered like a potted plant dependent upon its owner. There should be deposits of positivity made like a bank account. It is like storing energy reserves to take you through the tough times.
Many Papua New Guineans forget about the friendship they had with their “boyFRIEND or girlFRIEND before they settled into “married life.” We forget the hours we spent sending long text messages or the longer phone call that kept us awake until 3am. We forget about the sleepless nights we spent thinking about each other. During the “friendship stage” we, unconsciously, spent time and effort feeding and nurturing our friendship.
Then marriage happened and BOOM! It ended!
What I am trying to say is that friendships cannot survive without giving and receiving. One has to be able to give generously and the other must be willing to accept with sincerity. Sometimes, the gift of a humble apology is never accepted and it festers like a small wound that grows until it eats up the previous “friendship energy reserves” stored many years prior.
The marriage friendship is – in my view – the most important kind of friendship. It is the most intimate because your bodies, your spirits, your souls and your minds are intertwined.
You experience the same feelings, you think the same thoughts and feel the same emotions even at great distances. This happens because of friends that care about each other.
This message is important if we are to DESTROY the spirit of domestic violence in our country!


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